fouche.

I'm beginning to come to the realization that maybe I am a horrible blogger. Or that maybe I am a horrible blogger because I can never dedicate a blog to a single subject so it's hard to write because then I wonder, "I think it's interesting, but will anyone else?"


I have had a horrible week to go along with my horrible blogger realization. Things have just been angry and frustrating, confusing with hits of happiness in between. The last little while I've been having an internal job crisis, which I feel isn't uncommon in my field, and after not getting a job I worked really hard for the interview for, and beginning to have worries about my current steady pay-cheque plus being guilted and stilted by my not-so-steady pay-cheque, I am afraid I might be losing confidence in myself.

It doesn't help when you get told by your grandfather [who I might add, just got shuttled around by your truly around a doctor's clinic for 2 hours] that you are being stupid for wanting to save up and buy a car on your own. This makes me lose my feminist temper and faith that men will ever see women as truly independent beings that can secure their own lives [feminist temper - right there]. I was so angry I lost my appetite and told him I didn't want to go to breakfast anymore.

The fact that nothing seems to be moving forward in my life really bothers me. I can't find a permanent job [that wants me back], I have a clunky car that sometimes makes funny windmill noises, I live with my parents and my boyfriend can't start a life with me yet. The real sad thing about all of those is that all of those are barely my own choices.

Maybe this is a horrible post to end a long absence on, I promise the next one will be better [I also promise not to wait 6 months before visiting again], but I'm home alone right now before heading to work with only the dog to listen to me, and she's fast asleep from my woes.

I want a nap.

acceptance

I finally got accepted into the awesome program I wanted to be in.
Except now I don't know what to do.
I had geared myself so hard into believing that I wouldn't get in....that I'm not prepared now for getting in.
I'm incredibly happy with where I am right now.
But then I could probably get so much farther with this program.
But I don't think I can manage the full-time program and both part time jobs at the same time. And I don't think I can switch down to part-time.
I'm really hoping I can defer.
I don't know what to do.
And I'm slightly freaking out.
I'm going to wait for the actual acceptance package [acceptance emails are never as exciting or informative - literally, I had to go on OntarioColleges.ca to even find out which program I had gotten in to] before I start freaking out [more] hardcore and address the options full-out with my bosses.
But for now I'm going to try and defer.


I think?